How digital communications has eroded good manners

The speed limit was 50 miles per hour. I was driving 52 miles per hour on a two-lane road that passed through a local community. There were two sets of double yellow lines in between the lanes which means you cannot drive on or over them to pass another driver. As I looked in my rear-view mirror, I saw the car behind me inching up on my bumper, as if she were about to hit me. I sped up just a little. So did she. Then she started honking at me. I realized she wanted me to go faster, but I was already over the speed limit and not about to speed up even more. So she blared her horn again and this time, illegally sped past me into the oncoming traffic lane, ignoring the double yellow lines.

I silently wondered what was wrong with her, but it’s not just her. So many people seem so angry and annoyed that they are willing to break rules, ignore laws and treat others with a total lack of respect. I understand many factors contribute to why people disregard rules. Economic stress, social injustice, psychological factors, cultural factors, personal grievances and more. However, I believe what we are witnessing is the dwindling of practicing good manners and common courtesy to others.

When I was growing up, my parents and teachers expected good manners and did not tolerate bad ones. Yet today, manners seem to be increasingly neglected. Phrases like “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me,” and “I’m sorry” were standard in everyday communication, reflecting a society that valued politeness and consideration for others. I don’t hear those polite phrases as much as I used to.

Perhaps the rise of digital communication has altered the way we interact. While the advent of digital communication has revolutionized the way and the speed in which we connect with each other, it has also brought about changes in our social behaviors.

Emails, texts, and social media are often impersonal. They lack tone and emotion and can be easily misunderstood. For example, several months ago, I sent a short email to a colleague suggesting she consider a different approach to solving a problem. She called to ask if I was upset with her. I wasn’t, but what I thought was a short constructive comment was completely misunderstood in an email and I should have called her instead of emailing. When we spoke by phone, she instantly understood what I was trying to communicate. Vocal tones can capture emotional nuances that emails and texts cannot.

While digital platforms encourage rapid response, the immediacy of texting and instant messaging can also lead to abrupt and sometimes insensitive exchanges. In voice-to- voice and face-to-face conversations, pauses and quiet listening are part of a respectful dialogue. Additionally, abbreviations and emojis which replace full sentences and nuanced language, can come across as dismissive or rude, especially in professional or more formal contexts.

Then there are our cell phones. How often have you been with someone who seems to ignore you in favor of their phone? They tell you they are listening to you, but don’t look at you because they are deeply engaged with their phone. I admit, I have been guilty of this too. Just yesterday, I ran into an acquaintance who was sitting next to me at a nail salon. As we started speaking, she never looked up from her phone. She was unable to make eye contact, observe facial expressions and non-verbal language that enhances communication and understanding each other. When she left, she said “it was great seeing you,” but she never really saw me. What I saw was someone who was rude and disrespectful. In other circumstances, her behavior may have even been hurtful.

In some situations, there is also reduced accountability. Anonymity offered by online platforms can embolden people to say things they might never say in person. When interacting online, people sometimes forget they are communicating with real people. That can result in a lack of empathy and disregard for the feelings of others.

I do suspect that younger generations who have grown up with digital communication may have different perceptions of what constitutes polite behavior. That can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts with older generations who value traditional manners. Addressing this requires effort from all involved: families, educational institutions, and workplaces. All have a responsibility to model good digital manners and set clear guidelines for respectful online behavior.

While the decline in manners is a complex issue with many contributing factors, it is something that can be changed. By prioritizing education and awareness, we can resume the practice of good manners and enhance the quality of our social interactions.