How do you interrupt a conversation when it seems no one wants to hear what you have to say? This popular video that received nearly 10,000 views shows you how to cut someone off politely.
Quick Tip #124: How to Politely Interrupt a Conversation
Quick Tip #122: Sharing your Business Success Stories
This summer we’re sharing our most popular videos. How to share business success stories that motivate, inspire, and drive business outcomes tops the list.
Breaking up with vendors can be hard. Don’t take the easy way out.
The e-mail from a long-time client came out of the blue.
“Thank you for your partnership over the years, but we have decided to go with a different vendor.” No explanation. No empathy. No sensitivity.
Granted, companies can hire and fire vendors anytime they like. They don’t even have to have a reason if they choose to work with someone else. But breaking up over email is impersonal, unprofessional, and rude.
Let me provide some context. We have worked with scores of people at this company for more than ten years. Our evaluations are off the charts, and we are repeatedly told we are the best communications coaches they have ever worked with. So this was completely unexpected. The person who fired us by email was new, so we hadn’t had any real contact with her. She didn’t know our work, probably didn’t check us out and insiders confided that she fired us so she could hire her friend’s company.
Again, she’s the boss so she can do what she wants. But, given our long-standing good working relationship, wouldn’t it have been more appropriate and respectful to call or have a face-to-face conversation in person or online? She could have said “we are appreciative of the great work you do for us, but due to some changes we’re making, we will not need your services in the foreseeable future.”
Unfortunately, when it comes to breaking up, many people take the easy way out. They might want to avoid confrontation, shy away from difficult conversations or aren’t interested in saving the relationship. In certain cases, the vendor may be located in a different time zone making it challenging to arrange an in-person meeting or call so e-mail may seem the most practical way to communicate.
Perhaps there are concerns about an individual’s emotional or volatile reaction which is why some employers may choose email as a way to maintain distance and ensure safety. However, these reasons should be the exception, not the norm. Communicating by phone or face-to-face conveys empathy, respect, and compassion for the other person. The absence of non-verbal cues such as tone of voice, facial expressions and body language can also be misinterpreted. Even a brief phone conversation allows immediate feedback, clarification, and the opportunity for closure.
Additionally relationships, even when terminated, may still be worth saving especially if the termination wasn’t due to any wrongdoing. The person doing the firing might not think they will ever need this vendor again, but there is no way to predict what type of services may be required in the future. When you prioritize effective communication and end relationships on good terms and don’t burn your bridges, you also bolster your own image and reputation.
Since email appeared to be this person’s communication preference, I responded in kind respectfully conveying my disappointment and sharing how much we enjoyed working with them. She never answered.
With such a positive history at this company, I had a feeling I would hear from them again and I was right. The call came two months later from a senior leader who confided they weren’t happy with the new vendor and wanted us back to work with select groups of people. He said the person who let us go would not be involved. While flattered, and said so, I was also hesitant.
When a company who previously fired you expresses interest in having you return, it’s important to consider your own circumstances and feelings as well by doing the following.
- Express gratitude: Thank them for reaching out and expressing an interest in working with you again.
- Seek clarity: If you want to understand why you were let go and what has transpired since your departure, ask questions. I asked and the senior leader said they are now contractually obligated to the vendor who replaced us so they would work around them without telling them.
- Communicate your perspective: If you have reservations about returning, explain to them without being negative or confrontational. I have reservations about a company trying to hide something from a vendor. This makes me question their integrity.
- Evaluate the situation: Take time to evaluate potential benefits and drawbacks of working with this company again.
- Make an informed decision: In my case, I want to work with them again but only if they are transparent with the other vendor.
Remember, while it’s important to consider your own needs, it’s also important to approach all conversations with consideration, honesty, and respect. Having a constructive conversation demonstrates professionalism and a commitment to maintaining positive business relationships.
The Importance of Listening Beyond Words
I have a client who has been cancelling meetings at the last minute. A few weeks ago, she said she was sick. After that, her dog needed attention. And last week, just minutes before our scheduled meeting, she emailed me to say she needs to go to her doctor. When she does show up, she’s often late.
Clearly, I was irritated given this has happened several times in a few weeks. I decided when she rescheduled, I was going to tell her this was unacceptable, that my time is valuable and if it continued, it would not be productive to work together. I had it all planned out.
A few days later she reschedules. I log onto Zoom expecting her to be late and there she is. Early. Before I have a chance to say a word, she launches into an apology and bursts into tears. Not sure what is going on, I ask what’s wrong and if she wants to talk about it.
Silence.
Then she says, I’m pregnant. I say that’s great, not understanding why she’s crying. She says well I mean I was pregnant. She explains when we were supposed to meet last week, she felt funny which is why she went to the doctor. She had a miscarriage.
I felt so sad for her. I was also so thankful that I didn’t scold her.
When you don’t know someone well which can be the case in business situations, it’s hard to know what’s going on in their lives that causes them to act or speak the way they do. It’s typically not about you even though it may affect you.
Think about the waitress who seems to have an attitude every time you ask why your order is taking so long. What you might not consider is because of staffing shortages, she is working overtime, feels unappreciated and harassed by customers who constantly blame her for order issues.
Or what about the guy who cut you off in traffic? Maybe he has a sick child or is dealing with a family emergency. He may not be thinking clearly.
It’s natural to react when we think we’ve been wronged. But it’s also important to identify situations where we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes to understand what they’re going through.
I work with a group of city health officials who are intimately involved in the COVID-19 crisis. They have to deliver positive test results to people and advise them to quarantine or take precautions. Frequently, people are resistant and lash out at the workers, refusing to heed their advice. As we were role-playing some of these difficult conversations recently, it’s eye-opening to see what might seem like such an obvious course of action to many of us poses significant difficulties to others.
Some people are single parents and can’t afford to miss work. Others have spent years saving every penny they could to visit a loved one and refused to cancel their trips. Another worried taking too much time off would cost him his job.
The healthcare workers were great. They approached every interaction with compassion and kindness. When meeting resistance, they focused on other proactive behaviors such as the importance of mask wearing, hygiene and ventilation when gathering indoors.
As we were discussing best communication practices, one of the case workers advised looking beyond someone’s words and reactions. She said often people aren’t upset that they tested positive. They’re scared and worried about other pressing issues. She said there are three things you must do to establish rapport and foster more productive conversations.
- Ask questions to get to the root of the problem
- Listen
- Sit in their seats to respond with empathy and compassion
When we fail to understand and acknowledge what someone else is feeling, we risk inflaming the situation even further and closing the door on important interactions. However, behaviorists say when we’re kind, it can actually set off a positive chain of reactions.
I recall the day my father died. It was snowing but I had to get out of the house and get some fresh air. So, in a bit of a daze, I went to my local Wawa and almost cut someone off in the parking lot. I was too self-absorbed to realize what I did and didn’t even wave an apology.
As I stood in line to pay my coffee, the cashier pointed to the man in front of me and said, he paid for you. I thanked him and asked why he was buying coffee for a stranger to which he replied, “You look like you’re having a bad day.”
That little act of kindness didn’t take away my pain, but it made me smile through my tears.
As I think back to my client who lost her baby, I know I can’t ease her pain. But I decided to share that I understood what she was going through because I too lost a baby while pregnant. That shared experience prompted a very open and raw conversation that connected us and has likely transformed our professional relationship.
While it’s not possible to know why a stranger cut you off in traffic or someone snaps at you for apparently no reason, simply recognizing that there may be something more behind their words and actions that might make you think twice about reacting back.
